"Re-Potted // Rest Easy" (122719)
Updated: May 6, 2020
I love love.
Always will always have.
she is always rooted in the healing of heartbreak.
Or is it just the lay of the land?
Stakes of our hands?
That in order to love, you have to risk hurt.
The invisible, intangible kind of misfortune.
The kind of pain that brings ghosts
in the body of every memory of mine
where I became less than,
because I was not with them.
had no means to measure.
Still deemed my
in it's entirety of skin and soul, whole,
less valuable than I knew before,
simply because love had torn
the pieces of me
I chose to plant inside of other garden homes.
I was looking for root.
They were promising leaf.
We had moved through our growth.
See the middle of love is all about
Sharing soul in liquid forms,
saliva molding sweet whispers of velvet healing in between kisses and our mutual sativa mistress
that we both enjoy to share in space,
we still know
nothing can replace-
juice from velvet valleys that hold the dreams of your lover's wildest.
was grown almost to heaven.
had leaves tall and strong
lost in intertwining soul and song
within another human's love.
They were looking for space to re-leaf
all I saw to give in return was thorn.
all the vines that we had holding each other
moving us out of zoomed
tunnel was no longer parallel
but we parted well.
World re-evolving around visions of difference
we did too
only farther apart did we move
leaves fell off tree,
our roots lost bark,
our bodies no longer lit in love,
and instead stung by spark
no longer loving the feeling of being within love
but I'd still planted my seed pitted core
in the dirt and the dust of their soul,
as we exchanged holy light
We grew love in each other
and the lessons I learned
in the body of story
on how I love my lovers'
and how I learned that
loving my lover
is different than
loving my lover's love
and that the later has only to do with reflections of who I see myself to be.
Loving them was a risk that I took,
when I chose to see their leaves in full bloom.
I am forever indebted
to each one of the beings
that helped me heal the heartaches of lost love
and helped me see light in myself
I will always exists with each memory
of the love learned from each lover's leaf home,
and the chest ache of re-potting love.
In loving memory of every person I've ever shared intimate soulspace with.
"A Message to Women" by Reyna Biddy playing in background.
* "Unknown - EP Version" by Ravyn Lenae
* "Breakeven" by The Script
* "No Room for Doubt" by Lianne La Havas to close out. (I wrote a poem inspired by this song, like 6 years ago that's somewhere on my Tumblr's poetry page. lolol Younger Cindy would be so surprised, and also, Universed. Much love to me at a younger time, shout out to me, now. Back around full circle.)
- Cindy Candelario
December 27th, 2019
Draft I, verse 2:
Different pages in books of
our vibrations started waving frequently, in other frequencies
we were looking inside of each other's homes,
yet never leaving our own
just peaking through the eyes of our soul
trying to heal you because it fueled me to mold
into someone who loved loving you
and who loves the thought of being loved back
in the way that I loved that